


Recipe for Disaster

by hidekaneheadcanons



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: M/M, Oneshot!Kaneki, Suggestive Themes, alcohol use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-10-25 07:46:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17721056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hidekaneheadcanons/pseuds/hidekaneheadcanons
Summary: Kaneki just wanted to get some information out of Itori. Unfortunately, she seemed intent on ignoring him. The person who didn't seem intent on ignoring him was a drunk blonde. He was a terrible flirt and an absolute handful. He also seemed to be abandoned by his friends in a bar filled with ghouls. It was a recipe for disaster.





	1. Chapter 1

Kaneki didn’t enjoy bars. They were always too noisy, and smelt of cheap liquor and human sweat. He could usually bear with it and distance himself, maybe chat up another ghoul for some information on the latest territorial changes – figure out where he could safely hunt without ruffling anyone’s feathers.

But he couldn’t ignore the drunk, noisy mess beside him. The man – very obviously wasted beyond his mind – decided Kaneki looked like the perfect person to hit on. Kaneki wasn’t exactly the type of person people would hit on – his expression was usually enough to turn others away.

“Dude – you look –“ The man made a noise that could have been a laugh or a burp. “You look like one of those grumpy cats on the internet – you know the ones. But – it’s kind of cute.”

He frowned at his blood wine in distaste, trying to ignore the squawking at his side. The only reason he went to the bar – Helter Skelter – was because he wanted information out of Itori. And Itori – Itori was gleefully ignoring him and his plight, chatting up a drunk businessman who was buying some expensive wine for his associates.

Kaneki cast a half-desperate look in her direction and was once again pointedly ignored. Great.

“ _Dude_. You’re so muscly.” Brown eyes were wide as a finger reached forward experimentally to touch Kaneki’s bicep – and missed by a number of inches. Didn’t stop the blonde from trying again. “You have nice arms. Must give nice hugs. I like hugs.”

Kaneki sighed sharply and the blonde blinked. “Don’t you have somewhere to be? Friends to hang out with?” Someone else to bother?

“Yeah, but they’re no _fun_.” The blonde whined. “Besides. Don’t know where they are.”  He squinted and scrunched his nose. “They aren’t here. Because they’re _lame_ and _no fun_.”

So, he had no one else to pawn the idiot off to? Just fantastic.

Kaneki shot back the rest of his wine and turned to face the blonde.

 _“Okay_.” So, this man – who somehow managed to end up drunk and alone at a bar – just had to pick Kaneki to bother. “Don’t you have someone you can call? A friend? Family member? Someone to pick you up? You should call them.”

The blonde swayed beside him and he slurred. “Don’t have my phone. Dunno where it went.”

“Of course you don’t.” Kaneki rubbed a hand over his face. “Let’s check anyway. Turn your pockets inside out.”

The blonde started to do as asked, taking so excruciatingly long with the zippered pockets on his jacket that Kaneki had to help him. And yep – he most certainly did not have a phone on him. Just a couple of receipts and a tissue – hopefully not used. Kaneki stood there and stared at the blonde for a moment.

Well, _damn it_. He couldn’t just leave him there. If Kaneki did, the blonde wouldn’t be making it home that night – not with the couple of ghouls that had eyed him earlier. And bloody hell, no one should get hurt for being a little too drunk.

The blonde swayed again and ultimately tumbled forward, falling against Kaneki’s chest and almost off his chair. Kaneki took pity on him and steadied him with a hand on his shoulder

“Do you have anyone’s number memorized?”

The blonde’s eyebrows rose. “Why would I do that?”

Kaneki pinched the bridge of his nose “Of for fuc –“ He sighed. “Your address. Do you know your address?”

The blonde looked pained for a moment – but it was wiped from his expression the next second. “Nope!” He said much too cheerfully. “Hey, do you think they have any more of those weird pink shots?”

“No, they don’t. I promise you.” Kaneki steered the blonde away from the bar and towards the front entrance. “Do you at least remember how to get to your house? I can walk there with you.”

The blonde curled his arms around one of Kaneki’s and gasped dramatically. “It’s a date!”

“No, it’s not.” Kaneki dragged the blonde out of the bar. “I’m just making sure you get home safe. Now, lead the way.”

The blonde hummed happily and stumbled along, dragging Kaneki after him.

~<3<3<3~

“This is not your house.” Kaneki groaned. “This is not even _a_ house.”

The blonde nodded to himself. “I could live here. All the stars in the sky – all for me.” He half-flopped, half-crumbled to the ground, almost taking Kaneki with him. “And this bed is nice and soft to sleep on.”

“You’re literally laying on a bunch of tiny rocks.” Since the blonde didn’t relinquish his hold on Kaneki’s elbow, he decided to sit down beside him.

The blonde picked up some rocks. “They’re so cute and small.”

“ _They’re_ rocks. We’re in a playground.” Kaneki rubbed a hand over his face. “You’re supposed to be trying to find home.”

He pouted. “Don’t wanna.”

“You don’t wanna.” Did he even want to know? “Why?”

“He’s an asshole.” The man said with surprising vehemence. “Never going back.”

“Who?”

“Boyfriend. _Ex-_ Boyfriend.” He amended.

Kaneki laid down beside him and stared up at the stars. “I see.” He awkwardly reached out and patted the blonde’s shoulder.

The blonde nodded and sniffled. “Thanks dude, you’re the best.”

He looked like he was about to cry and _god_ if there was one thing Kaneki didn’t want him to do, it was that. Kaneki glared up at the sky and hefted a sigh. He couldn’t believe he was actually going to let this happen.

“Alright. Get up. You’re not sleeping in a damn park.” Kaneki grasped the blonde by the elbow to help him up. “You can stay at my place for the night.”

The blonde gasped and tried to throw his arms around Kaneki, his bad mood disappearing immediately. “Taking me home on the first date? So _bold.”_

“It’s not a date. How many times do I have to say that?” Kaneki muttered. “Besides. I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Hide!” He grinned. “Pleased to meet you! What’s your name?”

“You can call me Kaneki.”

“Kaneki. I like that name!” Hide grabbed at Kaneki’s hand with little coordination. When he finally grasped it, he swung their arms back and forth happily. “Kaneki, I want McDonald’s.”

“I’m not getting you McDonald’s.”

~<3<3<3~

Hide got his McDonald’s. He was sitting on the floor in Kaneki’s living room, happily eating some fries and humming obnoxiously. “This is the best date _ever_.”

“I sincerely hope that isn’t true.” Now, Kaneki really didn’t want McDonald’s spread across his living room floor, but it was a better alternative than Hide going through his cupboards and finding all the canned food that was probably expired by now. “Finish up eating and go to bed.”

“Ooooooh.” Hide waggled his eyebrows at him.

“No.” Kaneki said firmly. He gathered all the garbage as Hide finished the last bite of his burger. “Now go to bed.” Kaneki pointed at his bedroom door. “And try not to throw up anywhere.”

“Yes, sir.” Hide mock saluted him and shakily stood, stumbling his way to the bedroom. Kaneki watched as he finally made it to the bed and collapsed into it face-first. Moments later, he started snoring.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. Staying as quiet as possible, he went and rearranged the pillows so that they would prop Hide’s head up. Next, he arranged his limbs into what he faintly remembered as the recovery position. At least if he _did_ throw up, he wouldn’t drown in it.

Satisfied, Kaneki grabbed a book from his bookshelf and left the door open. He made himself a cup of coffee and settled on the couch. It would be a few hours before he would be able to fall asleep, so he might as well make the most of it.

It was mid-morning when he finally woke up to a dull thump and a swear. Kaneki – with only a few hours of sleep and a sore neck from sleeping on the couch – groaned in response. He cracked his eyes open to see Hide hopping on one foot and clutching his other.

Kaneki resisted to urge to chuck a couch pillow at him. “I’m making coffee.” Was all he said. He turned his back to Hide and let him finish doing whatever he was doing. “I don’t have any painkillers, so you’ll have to deal with your hangover.”

There was another curse. It made Kaneki’s lips turn upwards.

Hide sat at Kaneki’s tiny kitchen table and laid his head down on it. He only lifted it again when Kaneki placed a hot cup of coffee in front of him and some sugar he had hiding in the back of his cupboard. “I don’t have any milk.”

Hide made a face at that and poured copious amounts of sugar into the coffee. He took a sip and cautiously glanced up at Kaneki. “We didn’t – uh – nothing happened right?”

“Other than you eating McDonald’s on my floor, _no._ ” Kaneki drank his own coffee.

“Oh thank god.” Hide put his head in his hands. “I don’t remember anything about last night.”

“Well.” Kaneki felt no remorse for letting Hide know what a handful he was. “You tried hitting on me at the bar – it was embarrassingly horrible, by the way. I wanted to make sure you got home, but you didn’t know where your friends or phone were. Then you led me to the park claiming that was where you were going to live. So, I decided to let you stay here, but you somehow conned me into getting you McDonald’s, insisting the whole time that we were on a date.”

“ _Oh god._ I am _so sor–“_

“There’s still some chicken nuggets in the fridge if you want me to get them. “

Hide sputtered, the let out a short, relieved chuckle. “No, thanks. If I eat, I may actually throw up.” Hide squirmed. “The last thing I remember is my friends taking my phone so I didn’t drunk-text my ex angry messages. Then I don’t know where they went after that.”

“Some friends.”

Hide hummed thoughtfully. “Yeah,” he finally agreed. “Thanks, by the way. Last night could have really sucked.”

Kaneki waved a hand dismissively. “What are you planning to do now? You made it sound like you had no place to go last night.” He hated to admit he was kind of curious. He wanted to know what left him with the mess that was Hide last night.

“I don’t, really. I’ve been living with my boyfriend for months, but he’s a _cheating asshole,_ so there’s no way I’m going back there. I’ll probably stay with a friend until I can find my own place.” Hide tapped the table. “Have to get my shit out of his apartment though,” he muttered to himself.

Hide wasn’t that bad of a guy. “There’s an apartment available here, actually, if you’re looking. It’s pretty cheap.” Mostly because it wasn’t the best area. Lots of piece of shit criminals, which made it prime hunting grounds for Kaneki. Lots of ghoul activity too, but it was technically Kaneki’s territory, so if he told them to leave Hide alone, they wouldn’t dare touch him.

“There is? I might take it. I’m pretty desperate find a place asap.”

The vacancy was actually partially Kaneki’s fault. His fault for eating the guy. But it wasn’t his fault that said guy was a piece of shit human being. He usually wouldn’t eat anyone who could be connected to him, but he occasionally made exceptions for people who were exceptionally shitty. He was a lot pickier nowadays than he was in his teenage years. Liked to keep a lower profile too, at least from the CCG. But there were always exceptions.

Maybe making friends with a human wasn’t a good idea for hiding that he was a ghoul, but he supposed there could be exceptions to that rule as well. Besides, Hide wasn’t that bad when he wasn’t drunk and slobbering all over Kaneki’s arm.

“I’m Kaneki Ken, by the way.” Kaneki hid his smile with his coffee cup. “In case you forgot that too.”

~<3<3<3~

Hide moved in down the hall. Thankfully, he was able to sneak into his ex-boyfriend’s apartment while he was at work, retrieve his things, and leave his key on the counter. Later that evening, Hide was sitting on Kaneki’s floor eating takeout and ranting.

“You know, we started dating in high school.” Hide spoke between bites. “ _High school_. And I was there for him all the time. But was he ever there for me? Nope. Almost never. Then I come home one day and find some other guy in our bed – god, fuck, you know – the fucking audacity. He thinks he can do something like that to me – I put up with a lot of shit, but you know, I was fucking done. I had enough of it – fuck him. I deserve better than that asshole.”

Kaneki simply hummed and handed Hide some strawberry soda. With Hide’s visits becoming more regular, he decided stocking up on groceries was a good idea.

“You know what – “ Hide cracked his soda. “I don’t want to talk about. I’m ready to move on. Fuck this guy. I won’t let him make me feel upset anymore. I’m not with him anymore, so I refuse to get upset over him. _Moving on_.”

“How is moving in here treating you?” Kaneki offered.

“Oh my god, it’s great. I love the view. We’re so high up and I love looking down at the city lights. It’s a pretty big place for the cost too. I got enough room to spread my stuff out and there’s enough wall space in the bedroom that my posters don’t have to overlap. Even managed to have some space for a few new ones. Which reminds me –“ Hide dug around until he retrieved a small white bag. “I got something for you.” He tossed the bag and it landed in Kaneki’s lap.

Brows furrowed, Kaneki pulled out a knitted something. A hat – definitely a hat. And on the front – Kaneki shot a glare in Hide’s direction.

Hide laughed, clutching his stomach. “Dude – you _do_ totally look like an angry cat.”

Kaneki huffed and shook his head. He put the hat on anyway. “I’ll cherish it forever.”

“You better! I got a real good deal on that, y’know.” His chuckles died down. “This is nice. Sitting here with you.” He smiled down at his food. “Thanks for listening.”

It’s not like he could ignore him. “No problem.”

“No, really. Wish I had more friends like you.” Hide took another bite of food, then offered the takeout container to Kaneki. “Want some?”

“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”

Hide frowned at him momentarily and Kaneki worried that he would ask more questions. But Hide simply shrugged and continued eating. “More for me then.”

One nice thing about Hide was that even though he could fill a conversation all by himself, it was also comfortable to simply sit with him in silence. Kaneki liked his company. He wasn’t too bad. Certainly, better company than a lot of the ghouls that he knew.

He was kind and sincere and always seemed so much more concerned for others than himself. It made Kaneki angry to think that someone hurt him before. Because Hide deserved to be cherished and cared for as much as he cared for others and –

Well, it was better not to go down that path of thought.

“Do I have something on my face?” Hide was looking at Kaneki with his eyebrows raised.

Kaneki twitched, realizing he was staring at him for a while. “No,” he coughed. “It’s nothing. Sorry.”

Hide had a pleased little smile on his face. “Nothing, huh? Alright.” He stood and stretched. And no – Kaneki definitely didn’t glance at the sliver of skin that appeared when Hide’s shirt rode up. He smiled again – _knowing_ this time and Kaneki wanted to kick himself. “Well, it’s getting late, so I should go to bed. Goodnight, _Ken_.”

He left Kaneki sputtering and embarrassingly red-faced.

“Shithead,” Kaneki muttered to himself as the front door of the apartment closed.

He pulled the hat off his head and stared at the dumb looking cat printed on the front of it. It was the first gift he’d ever received from someone. And if that wasn’t embarrassing enough – he _actually would_ cherish it – simply for the fact that Hide gave it to him.

“I’m a fucking idiot.” He held the hat to his chest. “Such an idiot.” And he was in way over his head. Being friends with Hide was probably a mistake, even if it felt right.

~<3<3<3~

“You work here?” Hide was glancing around the coffee shop with interest, then examined Kaneki’s uniform with even more interest. “I think I’m gonna have to make this my regular place.”

“What are you doing here?”

Hide hummed and leaned against the counter. “I was looking for a nice place to study nearby, but there wasn’t anything too homey by our place. So anyway, I did a google search and this was the easiest place to get to by bus that had a high rating.” Hide wiggled his eyebrows. “And no wonder. I know the highest rating you can give a place is five stars, but you’re a ten.”

Kaneki snorted. “Can I get you something or not?”

“Can I get a latte? With extra sugar. If you have any caramel and whipped cream you could put on top, I would actually love you.”

“I’ll see what I can do.” Kaneki waved a hand at him. “Now go sit down.”

Kaneki shook his head as he whipped the cream for Hide’s latte. Hide liked an unhealthy amount of sugar. He made the latte – with extra sugar. He piled the whipped cream on top and out of habit, drew a cute little picture like he would with other customers.

Hide gasped when he saw the caramel kitten and sent Kaneki a blinding smile. “It’s so cute. I’m taking a picture.” Hide whipped out his phone.

Kaneki rolled his eyes. “My shift is over in ten. Want some company?”

Hide nodded enthusiastically.

Kaneki finished making all his orders, then went into the staff room to get changed. Just as he got to his locker, he heard footsteps behind him and a hand grasped his elbow.

He sighed, already knowing who it was. “Yes, Touka?”

“Stupid looking blonde at table five. Friend or food?” Her voice was sharp. She had a hard expression and Kaneki could feel an argument coming.

“Friend, I suppose. Why?” Kaneki turned to face her and leaned back against his locker. “You’re not eyeing him, are you?” Redirection was always a good tactic to use. Get her pissed off about something else.

Touka wrinkled her nose. “Him? You kidding me? Disgusting.” She glared at Kaneki. “And don’t even try. You’re not getting away with that.”

Well, it was worth a try, at least. “What does it matter to you? It has nothing to do with you.”

“Yeah, except that if you have to disappear, I have to train a whole other idiot how to be a barista.”

“Ah, how inconveniencing.” Kaneki rolled his eyes. “Need I remind you that you also have human friends.”

“I’m a high schooler. It would be weird if I didn’t. It’s a necessary risk.” Touka crossed her arms, her lips pursed. “You’re taking unnecessary risks. I just hope you know what you’re doing.”

Kaneki’s face softened. “I do. I’ll be fine. You won’t be training another barista any time soon.”

Kaneki knew Touka wasn’t worried about training someone else. Despite their clashing personalities, they were friends. Kaneki was one of the few people who understood her. He was also one of the few people she could rant to when she was having ‘ghoul problems’.

“Good,” Touka grumbled. “Now, if you’re going to hang around, make your own order. I’m not doing it for you.”

“Of course.”

Kaneki quickly got changed into a pair of slacks and a baggy sweater. As soon as his coffee was done, he took the seat next to Hide. He shoved a piece of chocolate cake in front of him.

 “It’s on me.”

Hide gaped at him. “Alright, you’re officially the best.”

Kaneki peeked over at the book Hide was reading. “What are you studying?”

“International relations.” Hide wasted no time shoving cake in his mouth and talking around it. “It can be interesting at times, but memorizing it can be annoying. Things get confusing fast.”

Kaneki hummed and pulled a book out of his bag. He leaned back in his chair and stretched his legs out, quickly pulling one back when he accidently bumped it against Hide’s.

Hide huffed and repositioned his leg so they were touching. Kaneki swore he saw Touka send him a glare. But he didn’t care. He tried to not smile as he began reading, sitting in comfortable silence next to Hide.

~<3<3<3~

Tuesdays and Fridays were deemed game night. Hide had a Nintendo 64 he hooked up to his television. Kaneki didn’t know how to play any of the games, but that didn’t stop Hide from shoving a controller in his lap and trying to teach him. Not that it made Kaneki any better at Mario Kart. He sucked. Horribly. But it was Hide’s favourite game, so he played with him.

Regardless of whether or not Kaneki was good at the game, it was fun. Hide was fun – and he always made sure that Kaneki was enjoying himself too. It was a silly type of fun – something Kaneki hadn’t experienced a lot of in his life. He grew up on the streets and had to fight much older, more experienced ghouls for food. His teenage years were much of the same – expect by then, he had attracted enough attention that he had to watch out for the CCG too. There was never any time to spare – and no time for frivolous things.

Kaneki wondered how much he missed out on.

But now, he was older. He was skilled enough hold his territory easily, and smart enough to know when to pick his battles. He was able to live a relatively normal life – as close as a ghoul could probably get to a normal human life. He had a part-time job at Anteiku and actually had friends – both ghouls and now, Hide.

So, why not be a little frivolous and have fun? He deserved it.

“Did you finish that book you were reading?” Hide asked, leaning to one side as he steered his kart. “The one with the green binding?”

Kaneki’s eyebrow twitched as he died for a fifth time. “Not yet. Started another one.”

“Aren’t you like – halfway through ten different books?”

“So what if I am.” Kaneki grumbled. “Maybe I like it that way.”

“ _How._ ” Hide frowned. “If I start something, I have to finish it. Always. Even if it sucks.”

Kaneki wrinkled his nose at that. “Ugh. No way.”

“No, seriously. You have no idea how many crappy video games I have done full playthroughs of. How many crappy movies I’ve watched until the end. It’s horrible. I’m afraid to even list how many I’ve finished.” Hide set his controller down, Mario Kart forgotten.

“And you didn’t like them?”

“Eh?” Hide wiggled his hand. “Not really. Just thought that – maybe, just maybe, they would get better later. Always disappointing. But kind of funny too – cuz sometimes they’re just so bad.”

“If something’s bad, it’s just bad.”

Hide gasped dramatically and jumped to his feet. “You take that _back_.” Hide strode to one of his shelves and skimmed through the contents before pulling out a movie. “That’s it. Take a seat on that couch right now and watch this with me.”

Kaneki held his hands up in surrender and sat on the couch, allowing Hide to set everything up. “I have a distinct feeling I’m about to lose two hours of my life and never get them back.”

“More like two hours of your life you’ll never want to get back.” Hide skipped to the kitchen. “I’m making popcorn. Want anything?”

“Water’s good.”

Kaneki watched as the opening credits rolled and groaned. They were the worst: long, boring and with some crappy music to finish it off.

“I take it back,” Kaneki said as soon as Hide sat down. “This is a good movie – to fall asleep to.”

“Pfft.” Hide elbowed him. “Hush and drink your water.”

The movie was just as horrible as Kaneki imagined. Being perfectly honest, he didn’t know how Hide could get any enjoyment out of it. Especially considering he managed to fall asleep halfway through it with his head on Kaneki’s lap.

Kaneki smiled to himself and pried the bowl of popcorn out of Hide’s hands, only for Hide to latch onto him instead. He sighed and set the bowl off to the side where it hopefully wouldn’t spill. While Kaneki knew he should probably wake Hide up – let him know he was going home and that he should lock up his apartment and head off to bed too…

Well, Hide just looked so peaceful and Kaneki didn’t want to wake him. Kaneki unzipped his sweater and took it off, draping it over Hide so that he wouldn’t get cold. With that Kaneki tipped his head back, sank into the soft cushions of Hide’s couch, and let himself fall asleep too.

~<3<3<3~

All the ghouls in the ward knew who Hide was and that he was off-limits. It took a couple of days to get a hold of everyone – having conversations with those he considered his friends and threatening others. It gave him some peace of mind.

What didn’t give him peace of mind was the fact that Hide was becoming increasingly concerned about his eating habits. Also, the fact that he didn’t look impressed when Kaneki managed to choke down a few mouthfuls of noodles without gagging. What worried Kaneki the most was that the concern was rapidly turning to suspicion.

When he first met Hide, he hadn’t expected him to be so intuitive. Except that he was. He could read Kaneki like an open book and always seemed to know what he was feeling. It was both disturbing and worrying. At the rate it was going, Kaneki didn’t think he could keep his secret going for long.

Which somehow led to Kaneki making a homecooked meal for the both of them – that way he could control the spices on his own meal and keep it as flavourless as possible. Hide called it a ‘dinner date’ and Kaneki didn’t correct him.

Kaneki set up the table, with sugary pop drinks for Hide and some coffee and water for himself. He at least wanted to have a good drink. He couldn’t wash down the taste of garbage with more garbage. He kept it simple and made some rice, fish and sautéed vegetables.

Hide happily thanked him for the meal and dug in, Kaneki following at a much slower pace. He took small bites so that he could swallow without chewing and quickly followed it with a drink. He nodded and smiled at what Hide was saying, pretending he was paying attention when really, he was just struggling not to throw up.

“ _Ken_.”

Hide’s sharp voice cut through to him and Kaneki started, almost choking. He was looking at Kaneki expectantly, his eyes narrowed and his mouth set in a frown.

“Sorry. What were you saying?”

Hide regarded him for a long moment. Then his hand shot forward and he snatched the fish off Kaneki’s plate with his chopsticks.

“Uh.” Kaneki hoped his worry wouldn’t show on his face.

Hide took an experimentally bite of the fish, then scrunched his nose. “A lot blander than you made mine.”

“I like bland food?” Kaneki said.

“Uh-huh.” Hide didn’t look impressed.

Kaneki pointedly ignored his gaze. He picked up some of the rice and managed to get it halfway to his mouth before Hide caught his wrist.

“Look, Ken. Is there something you want to tell me?” Hide’s hand was gentle on his wrist. “It’ll be okay, I promise.”

“I…” Kaneki stomach turned with both fear and nervousness, which did nothing to help his rising nausea. “I’m – I’m gonna be sick.”

Hide released his wrist and Kaneki rushed to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time to empty the contents of his stomach. He felt Hide’s hand run soothingly on his back.

“Can I get you anything?”

Kaneki shook his head and reached with a shaky hand to flush the toilet. He grabbed the edge of the counter to pull himself up. He rinsed his mouth out at the sink before brushing his teeth. The whole time he felt Hide’s presence behind him.

When he finished brushing his teeth, he placed his hands on either side of the counter and ducked his head. He couldn’t even bear to turn and face him. He must have been standing there for a couple minutes before Hide sighed sharply.

“Ken – I’m fairly sure I already know – and I can handle it. _Please_ , look at me.”

Kaneki spun on him, activating his kakugan. He tried to make his voice sound strong, but it came out as weak and broken as he felt. “Can you?”

Hide’s face was impassive as he met Kaneki’s gaze. Hide raised his hand and Kaneki flinched as he gently caressed his cheek. His thumb traced across the veins around his kakugan. “I think I’ll be just fine.” He smiled. “Will you?”

Kaneki didn’t have an answer for that.

Hide dragged him back to the living room and shoved him down on the couch. The next moment there was a blanket draped over his shoulders. His coffee was refiled and shoved into his hands. Hide settled next to him, all the food piled onto one big plate. He turned on the television and the two of them sat in silence.

Kaneki stared down into his coffee, mind spinning. Hide wasn’t afraid. He wasn’t running away. He was sitting next to him like it was any other day. Hide was staying even though he knew the truth.

“Why?” Kaneki whispered.

“Because nothing’s changed. You’re still Kaneki. Still the guy who made sure I was safe even though you didn’t know me. Still the guy who secretly likes cute and cuddly things. Still the nerd who can spend an entire day with his nose buried in a book and not realize it. You being a ghoul doesn’t change that.” Hide grinned and him and god – Kaneki just wanted to curl up against him and bathe in the warmth and love in that smile for the next eternity.

“I like you.” Kaneki mumbled, resting his head against Hide’s shoulder.

“Glad you’re finally admitting it.” Hide wrapped his arm around him. “Because I like you too.”


	2. Chapter 2

Kaneki was cute when he was sleeping. It was one the few times the mask he always donned slipped from his face. Hide cupped Kaneki’s cheek and smiled, his thumb tracing circles under his eye. Kaneki scrunched his nose a little and shifted, pressing his face into his pillow. Hide just switched to running his fingers through his hair.

“I know you wanna sleep babe, but you got work.” Hide was always a morning person. Although, he stayed in bed a lot longer than he used to – happy to snuggle with Kaneki. But this morning Kaneki had to get up as well, and Hide thought that waking up to him was a lot more pleasant than waking up to an alarm. Well, he hoped.

Kaneki groaned and tried to pull the blanket over his head, but Hide just ducked under it too. He kissed along Kaneki’s jaw, hearing him grumble.

“Come on. Get up and I’ll make you a nice cup of coffee. I’ve been practicing.” Hide kept kissing all over Kaneki’s face until his eyes opened.

Hide yelped when Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide’s waist and pulled them together. “Five more minutes,” he mumbled.

Hide was tempted to give in. It was so nice to be held in Kaneki’s arms. But, no. “No – no, no, no. You’re gonna make me late for class too. Now come on.” He gently slipped out of Kaneki grasp and took one of his hands. “Coffee. Kitchen. Now.”

Kaneki groaned as Hide pulled on his hand. “Okay, okay.” He let Hide pull him up and drag him to the kitchen. He collapsed into a chair the second they got there, putting his head down on the table.

Hide hummed happily as he made coffee. Kaneki showed him how to make some a few weeks earlier – hands folded over Hide’s as he showed him. It wasn’t so much about making coffee as it was an excuse for Kaneki to cuddle up against him and whisper in his ear. Later Hide pushed Kaneki up against the counter and they awkwardly grinded against each other.

It was great.

But it also meant Kaneki had to show him how to make coffee again. Multiple times.

Hide learned eventually.

He placed Kaneki’s coffee in front of him, ruffling his hair. He went back to the kitchen to grab himself a bowl of his favourite cereal. By the time he sat down beside Kaneki, he was looking slightly more alive. He had his head lifted off the table and his coffee cradled in his hands. Kaneki leaned over and kissed his cheek.

“Good Morning,” he murmured.

Hide hummed and pumped Kaneki’s shoulder with his, too busy shoveling his cereal in his mouth. He had a quiz first thing in the morning, so he would have to leave pretty soon.

Kaneki was watching him with amusement, his lips quirked up at the corners. He was smiling more and more around Hide, but he hadn’t given him a genuine grin yet. Hide would get him there eventually.

“In a rush?” Kaneki asked as Hide put his dishes in the sink. “Do you have time for me to join you in that shower?”

Hide groaned. “As much as I would like to say yes, I _really_ got to go. Maybe later tonight.” He rushed past Kaneki, giving him a quick kiss.

Kaneki smiled. “Tonight,” he promised.

Hide felt light and bouncy all the way to university. He hardly even thought about the fact that he would be seeing his ex in class. _Hardly_ even thought about it. Until his ex sat beside him in class and he could hardly think at all.

He knew his face was flushed red in anger and his pen tore through his paper more than once. He refused to look at him, even if he was obviously trying to make eye contact with Hide. Hide refused to give him the time of day. He was done. He was done a long time ago and he _moved on_.

Moving on was the best thing he ever did. He met Kaneki, got into a relationship he was _actually_ happy in. Kaneki treated him with respect. He treated him like he mattered. It was a one-eighty from his last relationship. Hide wondered how he put up with his ex for so long in the first place.

The class ended and Hide hurried to pack his things, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. A hand grabbed his elbow just as he was standing up. Hide froze and glanced behind him, seeing his ex looking at him with –

_God_ , Hide hated that expression. It made his blood boil. His ex looked _hurt._ Looking back on their relationship, Hide realized he always did that when he did something that hurt Hide. He always acted like _he_ was the wronged party, not Hide. And Hide would always consider his ex’s feelings over his own. Hide _always_ made sure that he was okay before himself.

Hide tried to free his arm, but his ex held on firmly.

“ _Wait_. I’m sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear, Hide?” The fucker had the nerve to cry. “I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it just did. So, I’m sorry, I really am. Please, please don’t be mad at me. I don’t think I could take it.”

Hide roughly pulled away. “Sure, because fucking someone in _our_ bed was such an accident.”

“It was a _mistake._ ” He begged.

“I don’t care. I’m done. Now leave me the fuck alone.” Hide turned is back on him and hurried out of class.

~<3<3<3~

There was no better place to be than in Kaneki’s arms. Hide wished he could melt into them and stay there all day. It was so easy to feel as peace when Kaneki’s fingers were tracing light patterns across his back, occasionally drifting up to comb the tangles out of Hide’s hair.

“Something’s bothering you,” Kaneki said softly.

Hide sighed. “What gave it away?”

“Aside from the fact you practically jumped me when you got home?”

Which – okay fair. Hide essentially grabbed Kaneki, and tried to make out with him while simultaneously pushing him towards the bathroom. After their ‘shower’, they got into bed and cuddled – which was nice. However…

Hide pulled back enough that he could meet Kaneki’s eyes. “You remember my ex?”

“The asshole, yeah.” Kaneki rubbed his back. “Did something happen?”

“He’s in some of my classes at university.” Hide admitted. “I’ve been able to ignore him most of the time, but he tried to talk to me today. Tried to apologize and simultaneously make me feel guilty for being angry.”  

Kaneki scoffed. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” Hide mumbled half-heartedly. “I just don’t get how I used to put up with it.”

“I’m glad you don’t now.” Kaneki’s expression was warm and mirthful. “I’m guessing you told him off?”

“I did.” Hide smiled a little. He never would have done that in the past. It just... “It felt freeing.” He frowned. Although, at the same time, he felt guilty. “But there’s still a part of me that feels bad, even if I don’t want to. I don’t know if it’s just the way I am – or if it’s a habit… but I still feel bad for him. It felt good to tell him off, but I also felt guilty for doing it. Was it bad of me? To feel good?”

Kaneki rubbed his back. “No. It’s not. He treated you badly. You’ve told me multiple times that you want him out of your life. I don’t think you should feel guilty for telling him off. But…” Kaneki shrugged. “Emotions are messy and complicated. Whether you should feel something or not doesn’t always mean that’s how it is. You were with him for a long time. I don’t blame you for feeling a little messed up about it.”

Messed up pretty much described what he was feeling. He thought he was over it. He thought he could go through his day normally, ignore his ex and carry on with his life. But the moment he talked to Hide, all the emotions he felt on the night he found out he was cheating on him came rushing back.

There was the anger for being betrayed. The relief he felt when he finally decided it was over. But most of all, there was the pain. Because even if their relationship wasn’t great, there was still some good parts. Part of Hide wanted to remember and cherish those moments, because they were important for him. The other part knew that those moments would be tainted by what his ex had done.

Hide placed his love and trust in his ex and received nothing but heartache in return. Even if he felt bad for cutting it off, he knew he could never go back. Even if it hurt him. Even if Hide used to put so much time and effort into making sure his ex wouldn’t get hurt.

He had to learn to put himself first. It was a bad habit of his, to make sure everyone was doing okay, even at the expense of himself.

“I’m so tired of thinking about it already.” Hide mumbled.

Kaneki cupped his cheek and wiped some of Hide’s tears away with his thumb. Hide sighed and pressed his face against Kaneki’s chest.

“Not thinking?” Kaneki’s hands trailed down to his hips. “If you want…” He kissed Hide’s shoulder. “I could arrange that.”

~<3<3<3~

The way Kaneki sometimes looked at him made him sad.

Kaneki was sweet. He was kind. He was gentle. Hide loved every part of him. Yet, Kaneki didn’t feel like he deserved to be loved. Hide would catch him sometimes while they were going to sleep. He would make a heartbreaking expression, reaching for Hide, but not daring to touch him.

Every time Hide would grab his hand and kiss his knuckles. He would watch as Kaneki squirmed, not meeting Hide’s eyes. Hide wouldn’t force him, but damn it, Hide was going to let him know he was worth it, one way or the other.

“I love you,” Hide murmured one night, face pressed against Kaneki’s shoulder. He felt Kaneki stiffen at the words, so Hide gently kissed his collarbone. They had yet to really… exchange those words properly. While yes, Hide essentially bathed Kaneki in complements and often made his adoration clear, he had yet to say to Kaneki that he loved him.

“You do?” Kaneki’s voice wavered. The _why_ went unsaid.

“I do.” Hide toyed with Kaneki’s hair. “Every part of you.”

Kaneki’s breath caught. “But… you’re… you’re so… _good_ , and I’m –“

“Kaneki.” Hide said sharply. “Do you… think you’re a bad person?”

“Hide, I eat people. You can’t really consider me a good person.” Kaneki’s tone stated that it wasn’t up for debate.

But, fuck that. Hide was going to argue anyway. “Oh right. I’m sorry, I forgot that ghoulism was a choice.” Hide looked up at Kaneki and ignored his glare. “You do what you have to. Just because you were born a ghoul doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to survive. If I was in your position, I don’t think I would have become half the person you are.” Kaneki opened his mouth, but Hide cut him off. “So yes, I think you’re a good person. Yes, I think you’re amazing. And _yes_ , I love you. And that last part isn’t up for argument, okay?”

Kaneki deflated. “I love you too.”

Hide hummed happily. “Good. Because you’re not getting rid of me easily.”

That got a laugh. More of a snort really, but it still counted. “I kind of figured that out when you were drunk and hanging off my arm.”

Hide groaned. “I thought you weren’t going to tease me about that anymore.”

“I never said that.” Kaneki smiled. “I’ll _always_ tease you about that.”

Hide just groaned again, hiding his face against Kaneki’s chest. Kaneki tentatively wrapped his arms around Hide, pressing his face into his hair. His breaths tickled Hide’s scalp. It was comfortable laying there with him. If there was anywhere that Hide felt safe, it was in Kaneki’s arms.

The thought that Kaneki thought he was a bad person tore at his heart. Hide knew Kaneki was a good person. Or at least, he was from Hide’s perspective. And if Kaneki was bad… well, then Hide probably wasn’t as good as Kaneki thought he was.

~<3<3<3~

Hide was dragging his feet, exhausted after a late night at the library. Exams were coming up soon. No matter how much Hide studied, he felt like he was absorbing nothing. He groaned to himself and adjusted his bookbag. His shoulder was starting to get sore from carrying all the textbooks.

He could use a massage. He smiled a bit. Maybe he could con Kaneki into giving him one. He thought of Kaneki’s hands massaging the knots out of his shoulders. It made him melt. And then afterward… heh. He couldn’t wait to get home.

He stepped off the main street and into an alley, taking his normal route home. He put his headphones over his ears and selected one of his favourite playlists. He went pack to his home screen – a disgustingly sweet picture of him kissing Kaneki on the cheek. He decided to send him a quick message.

He frowned, tapping the side of his phone. Should it be something sweet? Something sexy? Choices, choices. Maybe a selfie? He could probably add some cute effects and hearts to it. Decided, Hide lifted up his phone to take a picture of himself.

He was about to press the button when he saw something move behind him on the screen. Hide didn’t have the chance to turn around before something crashed into his side. Hide gasped, too surprised to do much else. Hide’s shoulder hit the wall and he tumbled to the ground.

He looked up to see kakugan eyes just as a hand wrapped around his throat. Hide choked and clawed at the wrist holding him against the wall. There was a woman standing in front of him, brown hair knotted and ratty. She bared her teeth at him.

“The clown thinks he can take my territory from me? I’ll take something from him too.” She licked a line up Hide’s cheek. “Lucky me, it looks like you’ll taste good.”

Hide’s eyes widened. She was going to kill him. Eat him.  

Her hand tightened and his vision blurred. His hands shook, but he somehow managed to open the zipper of his bag and pull out his half-eaten granola bar.

The woman was leaning over him, mouth wide open and drool running down her chin. It fell onto Hide’s shirt. Her teeth glistened with it. She leaned forward, intent on tearing into Hide’s shoulder. Desperately, Hide raised his arm and shoved the granola bar into her mouth.

She let go of him immediately, gagging and spitting the food out of her mouth. It took a moment for Hide to recover – for his wobbly legs to support his weight. He ran the best he could, stumbling away and using the wall to steady himself. He didn’t make it very far.

His gut sunk at he felt something wrap around his ankle. He tripped, just barely keeping his jaw from smacking the ground. He clawed at the ground, trying to gain some type of grip as she slowly dragged him back towards her.

“It’s usually fun when they have some fight in them.” She growled at him. She spit again. “But you’re just a menace.”

Hide swore as she flipped him over. He kicked her in the face, but she didn’t really seem to care all that much.

“Don’t worry.” She leaned forward and caressed his cheek. “I’ll be sure to make it _slow_ and _painful_.”

Hide kicked at her more frantically. There wasn’t much else he could do. She had her kagune wrapped around his one leg, impossibly strong. He couldn’t escape. He tried to fight back, but clearly that was futile. He had never felt so helpless – so hopeless in his whole life. He was going to die – he was going to die and there was nothing he could do about that.

Hide grit his teeth. He didn’t want to die. He wanted to go home. He wanted to see Kaneki. He wanted to be back in his arms. He wanted to be safe. But he wasn’t. He was going to die.

The woman made a strange expression. Her lips moved, but Hide couldn’t hear what she said. Then she was torn off him. Hide blinked, confused. There was a man standing over him, a mask covering the bottom half of his face. He reached towards him and Hide flinched back.

The man pulled down his mask, letting it settle around his neck. He spoke, but Hide could only blink dumbly at him. He reached towards him again, much slower, and gently helped him sit up. Hide tried to speak, but his tongue felt like a useless piece of rubber in his mouth.

The man spoke again. “My name is Banjou. I’m a friend of Kaneki’s.”

“Kaneki?” That got Hide’s attention.

“Yeah, Kaneki.” Banjou patted his shoulder. “I’ll give him a call. He’ll be here soon, okay?”

“Okay. Okay.” Hide nodded his head. He couldn’t really think to say much else. Kaneki was coming. He was alive. He wasn’t going to die.

Tears ran down his cheeks and Hide quickly wiped them away with his palms. All that did was smear blood across his cheeks. He looked down at his hands, raw from being scrapped across the concrete. A couple of his nails were missing too. He didn’t feel the pain until he saw the damage.

Distantly, he heard Banjou speaking urgently. Hide didn’t look up from his palms until Banjou was in front of him, holding out a cell phone. Hide took it hesitantly, the blood on his hands almost making him drop it.

He held it up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Hide?” Hearing Kaneki’s voice only made him cry more. “I’m on my way. I’ll be right there.”

“Okay,” Hide said weakly.

“I’ll be right there,” Kaneki repeated.

Banjou gently took the phone back and sat next to Hide. He took comfort in his presence. After all, he did save him.

“Thank you.” He drew his knees to his chest and wrapped his shaking arms around them. “Thank you.”

Banjou’s expression was soft. “You okay?”

Hide nodded even if he didn’t feel okay. All he really wanted to do was curl up and cry. His hands hurt – and so did his shoulder too, actually. Banjou wrapped an arm around him. Hide leaned against him, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to control his breathing.

Hide’s eyes snapped open when he heard running steps. His expression crumbled when he saw Kaneki stop a few feet short, worry written all over him.

“ _Oh, Hide_.” Kaneki took the last few steps and knelt in front of him. He reached forward, like he was afraid to touch him. “I’m so sorry.”

Hide couldn’t take the distance between them any longer. He rocked forward, wrapping his arms around Kaneki tightly and pressing his face against his chest. “I wanna go home,” he mumbled.

“Okay,” Kaneki ran his fingers through Hide’s hair. “Let’s go home.”

~<3<3<3~

They were sitting on edge of the bathtub, Kaneki gently cleaning Hide’s hands. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to the hospital?”

“I’m okay.” Hide said. “It’s just my hands and my shoulder.”

“And your neck.” Kaneki wet a washcloth with warm water, cleaning the blood smears from Hide’s cheeks. He touched Hide’s neck gently, where he was sure bruises were forming from being strangled.

“It doesn’t hurt too bad.”

Kaneki frowned, but he remained silent. He took his pair of tweezers and carefully plucked out the tiny rocks that were embedded in Hide’s skin. Now that the blood was cleaned away, they didn’t look too bad. Just overall red, and bleeding in a few patches that were especially bad. Although, his few fingernails that were torn or missing made him gag if he looked at them.

Kaneki finished disinfecting his wounds and put some ointment on them. Then he covered them with some sterile bandages.

“Shirt off,” Kaneki said. “I want to look at your shoulder.”

Hide obeyed and took it off. At least he didn’t need Kaneki’s help to do it, even if it ached. He tried not to wince as Kaneki poked and prodded it.

“It’s fine, really. See, look. I can still move it around and everything.” Hide demonstrated. “It’s good. I really just want to get some ice on it and lay down.”

Kaneki sighed, but relented. “Okay. Head off to the bedroom. I’ll get your ice for you.”

At least his legs weren’t shaking anymore. Hide collapsed in bed, burying his face in Kaneki’s pillow. It smelled like the strawberry shampoo Hide bought for him earlier that week. Hide pulled the blankets up around him and let the scent envelope him.

A hand landed on his back. “Here,” Kaneki said. Hide flinched at the cold when Kaneki laid the bag of ice on his shoulder. “How you holding up?” Kaneki slid under the blankets, carefully maneuvering himself close without jostling Hide.

Hide pressed his forehead against Kaneki’s chest and shook his head slowly. “I thought I was going to die – that I would never get to see you again – and that there was nothing I could do about it.” Hide felt tears prick his eyes again. There was nothing – _nothing –_ that upset him more than feeling helpless.

“I could have lost you,” Kaneki murmured. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Hide looked up. Kaneki was crying. He sobbed quietly, his arms tightening around Hide’s waist like he never wanted to let go. Hide didn’t really want him to either.

“I don’t know what do to.” Kaneki admitted, his voice thick. “You were attacked because of me.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“It is. Banjou told me who it was. I know she went after you because of me. I’m sorry.” Kaneki kissed the top of Hide’s head. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m always going to have enemies – and they’ll go after you to get to me. I don’t – I don’t…” Kaneki shook his head. “I don’t know how to keep you safe. And I… I understand if you don’t want to be with me anymore.”

“ _Kaneki_.” He didn’t want to worry about that right now. All he wanted to go was be with Kaneki. All he wanted to do was lie in bed and feel safe. “Please just hold me for now.”

Kaneki swallowed thickly and nodded.

~<3<3<3~

Kaneki was distant since the attack. Hide knew that he was still blaming himself, no matter now much Hide knew that it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t sleeping well either. Hide would sometimes wake in the middle of the night to find Kaneki sitting at the end of the bed with his head in his hands. Nightmares, Hide was sure.

Hide had them too. As much as he didn’t want to be afraid, he was.

Kaneki starting walking him home when he stayed late at the university, or when he had to leave early in the morning. Even then, Hide found himself constantly watching the shadows, expecting something to jump out at him.

When Hide was home, Kaneki would often head out late. Hide wasn’t sure if Kaneki was trying to put some distance between them, and he was afraid to ask. But he missed him. And above all, he was afraid to lose him.

A few weeks after the attack, Kaneki was obviously stressing over something, looking at Hide contemplatively and frowning. Sometimes he would open his mouth and immediately close it, brow furrowing.

On a Friday, after a long day at university, Hide decided he couldn’t take it anymore. He finally asked Kaneki to tell him what was bothering him.

Kaneki sputtered a little bit, but then with a resigned expression, said. “I’ll make some coffee.” Which basically meant that it was going to be an uncomfortable conversation. Hide sat while Kaneki gathered his thoughts. He tapped the table with his one finger, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

Kaneki settled across from Hide, sliding Hide his cup of coffee. He stared at the wooden table and sighed softly. “The night you were attacked…” Kaneki looked up at him. “If you could have fought back against that ghoul, would you have?”

“What kind of question is that?” As if Hide would have just sat there and let her kill him. “I couldn’t, but I tried anyway.” Hide hands tightened around his cup. “I stuffed her face with granola and tried to get away.”

“You did?” Kaneki smiled and looked at Hide with pride.

Hide frowned at him. “ _Why_?”

“Come with me.” Kaneki took Hide’s hand, his untouched coffee sitting forgotten at his table. “There’s somewhere I have to show you.”

Hide let Kaneki drag him after him.  He grabbed a bag, then they left the apartment, and walked a few blocks. Kaneki took him down an alley between two shops. They headed through a door, then down some steps. Hide’s eyebrows rose as Kaneki went into a storage room and kicked a rug aside, revealing a trap door. Hide followed him down the ladder, hardly able to see in the dark.

Kaneki took Hide’s hand again at the bottom and led him down another hallway. “Not many humans know about this place. There’s only a select few who help traffic food for ghouls. These tunnels go underground all throughout Tokyo. Ghouls retreated into these tunnels many years ago. Some still live down here nowadays. I usually come down here to train and spar with some acquaintances.

“What are we doing down here then?” Hide looked around, amazed by the sheer size of the place. The room they were in was massive.

“You know about the CCG?” At Hide’s nod, Kaneki continued. “They carry weapons called quinque. They’re made from harvesting a ghoul’s kakuhou. Essentially, they can take a ghouls kagune and weaponize it for themselves. That’s how they can fight on par with us ghouls.” Kaneki slid the bag of his shoulder and pulled out a slim briefcase. “Usually, when these quinque as recovered, ghouls give them a burial. However, I want you to have this. No one knew who it belonged to.”

Hide took it with wide eyes. “I…”

“I can teach you how to fight.” Kaneki paused. “If you would like, that is.”

Hide stared at the briefcase in awe. “How do I open it?”

“There should be a button on the handle.”

Hide pressed the button and yelped as the quinque emerged, spiraling around his arm. A long blade extended out past his elbow.

“It can be used for defensive and offensive purposes. If you learn how to use it properly, it should give you more than a fighting chance.”

Hide smiled to himself. “I _hate_ feeling helpless.” He grinned at Kaneki. “When do we start?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, this work comes to an end. I hope you all enjoyed it!


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